Woodstock Watch: Jack Reacher

Well that was quite the Reacher-ound.

For the average movie-watcher, Jack Reacher is likely going to be a hit-or-miss film.  From start to finish, the action is consistent and the unpacking of clues holds your attention.  The action scenes are stellar, given that you can suspend your disbelief.  The biggest problem — most of the plot is advanced via dialogue, and most of the dialogue is exceedingly corny.

The reason this review becomes so difficult, though, is that there is a major divide in the audience.  For a select group of viewers, they have already read at least a few of the eighteen — yes, I said eighteen — existing Jack Reacher novels written by Lee Child (who has a cameo in this movie).  The viewing experience is drastically different for those who have read the books as compared with those who have not.

In the novels, Jack Reacher's character is thoroughly developed as a conniving ex-military man who has natural instincts to kill, but only uses those instincts in the proper situations.  He has a photographic memory, is ultra-observant and thinks of every solution that you didn't think was thinkable.

This type of thing is developed over hundreds and hundreds of pages in a series of novels.  In a 130-minute film, the only way to display these character traits is by having Reacher memorize a rifle serial number or the year inscribed on a quarter made in 1863.  Sorry, but in a movie setting, that's the heart of a corny script.

Tom Cruise and the rest of the cast do a fantastic acting job, and this largely pacifies the issue with the dialogue.  In fact, some of the dialogue is so out there that it's actually hilarious.  When the villain asks Reacher if he has a pen to write down an address, the ever-remembering Reacher replies, "Don't need one."

The last element that may agitate the average viewer is Reacher's reluctance to ever act on the obvious love interest in the story, the DA's daughter (played by Rosamund Pike).  It's meant to happen throughout, and Reacher constantly walks away from the temptations.  For those who read the novels, though, this is not unlike the character of Jack Reacher.

All in all, it's most definitely a film that I would recommend watching.  Sure, some of the script comes off as typical action-film-corny, but don't confuse this movie with The Expendables or some other all-action-and-nothing-else type of movie.  There's more to it than that.  If you're inspired to read the books after seeing it, you'll love Jack Reacher even more.

Final Score if you HAVE NOT read the books: 6.9
Final Score if you HAVE read the books:  7.4
  

TBD: Premiere Episode

Is that Kornheiser and Wilbon?  No, my friends, that is not.  That is Steve and Rob hosting the inaugural episode of TBD.  "Wow, TBD is really stupid thing to name a show," you might be thinking.  Well, you'd be right.  That's why the show's name is still to be determined.

Now's your chance to contribute.  Vote below on what the name of this show should be, or comment your better ideas!

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Woodstock Watch: Lone Survivor

Mark Wahlberg.  America. That guy from Battleship.  And copious amounts of falling down cliffs.  A winning combination, right? ...Right!

Lone Survivor won’t be winning an Oscar any time soon, but Marky Mark and his funky bunch of friends will certainly get and keep your attention. 

First, Mark Wahlberg (I call him Mark) is the only star power that the movie brings, unless you consider Taylor Kitsch a star, which no sane person does. In standard Mark Wahlberg movie fashion, Mark starts out as coolest bro on the planet that never gets bothered by anything, and then flips the switch to badass, fearless leader in a matter of seconds.

If the movie was broken down into percentages, I’d estimate roughly 20% of the movie is Mark and friends jumping headfirst off cliffs, flipping and flailing the entire way down, throwing themselves against rocks and trees. And that’s not an exaggeration. 

All of your favorite stereotypes make an appearance; the super bro navy seal, the unnecessarily evil foreigner, and the good guy you never expected.

The movie isn't without its flaws, however. I would have paid good money to hear a "thank you" from any of the characters at multiple points during the movie. And if you watch the movie you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

The movie was based on a true story and the ending also has a nice tribute to the real men who died in the events paired with a heart-wrenching soundtrack. 

All in all, a very good movie. Give Mark a chance, he never disappoints.

Final Score:  7.7

Peter Pan is Trending Way Down

It would have been nice to start off the Trend Board with a cheerful, positive post about something that was trending through the roof.  Something that was so hot you needed to have it in your life yesterday.  Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.  Instead, I share with you the letter that we wrote to Mr. Peter Picknelly, CEO of Peter Pan Bus Lines, after our awful experience with this pathetic, lame, incompetent bunch of butt faces.

Dear Mr. Picknelly:

Unacceptable.

Unacceptable is the only word that comes to mind as I formulate my thoughts toward my experiences with Peter Pan Bus Lines this fall. Being recent college graduates, my roommate Steven and I decided that it would be a fun adventure to take a trip to Foxwoods on a brisk autumn Saturday. As we looked up ways to get to Foxwoods via bus, we noticed that we were in luck – Peter Pan offers these trips! Awesome! Clearly written on the Peter Pan website, we found all of the details for a $27 round-trip bus special to get to Foxwoods Resort Casino from South Station in Boston, MA.

But you know what, Peter? I tend to stay on the safe side, so I decided to call the Peter Pan customer support line just to make sure I was seeing things clearly. After all, I couldn’t find any option to purchase tickets ahead of time. I wanted to make sure there was no way I could lock up two spots on this bus trip a few days early.

This is what I asked the woman who helped me on the phone (loose definition of “helped”). After waiting fourteen minutes on hold, she specifically told me that tickets could not be bought for this bus trip online, and that the only option was to show up early and pay cash to the driver. Well, that sounds sketchy. But I just spoke to a Peter Pan representative, so surely this must be the correct course of action.

Fast forward to Saturday morning. Steven and I wake up at the crack of dawn to make sure we can get to South Station in plenty of time to purchase tickets and board the 7 a.m. bus to Connecticut. We make our way to the ticket center where there is a huge Peter Pan sign on the wall (accompanied by a Greyhound sign) and we tell the woman working there that we are buying tickets for the Foxwoods bus. Here’s the problem: she tells us, with plenty of hesitation and a general lack of awareness about everything surrounding her, that the bus trip sold out overnight.

Surely that isn’t possible, though. I spoke to a Peter Pan customer representative who told me that tickets could not be bought ahead of time for this trip. Maybe this lady doesn’t know what she is doing. Maybe she is a new South Station employee, and maybe she doesn’t even work for Peter Pan. No big deal. This is a disappointment, but we learn that the Peter Pan customer service desk will open in an hour. It seems odd that they wouldn’t be open earlier than 7:30 when they have a bus trip departing at 7:00, but we can wait around for an hour to talk.

We wait for an hour, and sure enough, the Peter Pan customer service desk opens. Alas, they have finally shown that they possess at least one crucial competency of the job – being present, mentally and physically. Actually, I shouldn’t speak too soon. While they were present physically, I can’t be as confident that they were present mentally.

We get to the front of the customer service line, and we ask for some details about the bus trip that we apparently just missed out on. Maybe there will be more trips throughout the day, right? Well, much to our shock and bewilderment, the woman working at the Peter Pan customer service desk tells us that they don’t have any buses to Foxwoods. For this, she says, we will need to check with Greyhound.

This was the point in time where my IQ dropped by fifteen points or so. That bus trip, clearly advertised on your website and simultaneously described on Foxwoods’ website as well? The customer service reps have no clue what I’m talking about when I ask about it. It’s like it doesn’t even exist. They simply have no clue what I’m asking for.

My head was spinning at this point, and it brought me back to my phone conversation with the customer service line. Did that lady make up everything she told me? She said that we just had to get there a little early. She confirmed that this $27 round-trip bus special was still available. She confirmed that you couldn’t buy tickets ahead of time, and she confirmed that we would have to pay cash, at South Station, on a first-come first-served basis. Where did she get all of this information?

Thankfully, Steven and I were able to take a combination of MBTA and RIPTA (Rhode Island Public Transit Authority) to go to Twin River Casino in Lincoln, RI. It wasn’t Foxwoods, but we were able to salvage some of a Saturday sabotaged by Peter Pan’s advertising. The highlight of the day, perhaps, was that we managed to get to a casino without needing to use the services of a company so painfully incompetent to that point. Thought you would enjoy listening to the story of my wonderful Saturday morning.

Kind regards,
D-Rob and Saint Nich.

Meet the Hands Team

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, meet the Hands Team.  The boys of Woodstock have kicked off a new era with the website that will end up in your bookmarks faster than Pat ends up on the couch.
 

Holy Shit. I'm an Adult.

I don't know if it happened over a long period of time or overnight... but it's official, we're adults. The boys of summer have officially become the dads of winter. I wear a watch to tell the time, not as a fashion statement. I drink wine like your mom. We casually mention a golf outing to a friend while both people are wearing ties!! Where does it end? I'm not sure what girl adults do, maybe hot flashes? I don't know. But it's definitely happening to the Woodstock bros. Every night is a fight to stay up to finish the latest American Horror Story (which sucks) or Orphan Black (which is atop the monthly show power rankings). (Side note: Everyone watch Orphan Black on BBC). Leaving the house on Thursday night doesn't even cross my mind unless it's to grocery shop.... FOR VEGETABLES!

I feel like I should hate what I've become... but it feels so natural, at least during the weekday. Weekend Woodstock still hangs in the limbo between work, bills, 401k's, kegs of Natty, New Hong Kong and taking photos of Patrick asleep on the couch. We're at a point in our lives where we have to make a choice. We can fight it or we can embrace it. And I choose to do neither, because I'm an adult and I can do what I want.